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Warum kann ich nicht einfach als Mensch gesehen werden, der das Verhaltensmuster und Denkweisen eines anderen angenommen hat und nun daraus seine Schlüsse zieht?

It's enough, I don't want to be dependant anymore. Indeed he was important to me, but I've learned to live without him, ok?

 I felt very well before we talked about that, but now I'm some kinda pissed off for someone like you don't know how to treat me after all.

Of course I liked him. No doubt. And I still like him. But! I can stand on my own feet now.

I'm pissed off, that you still say, that it's like 90% because of him, why I'm sad concerning our church. But that's so wrong. I've accepted things -maybe because I had no choice- but I decided to live on. Happily. Or at least with a positive attitude. YOU gave enough arguments to be sad about the situation and you still say 90% that's kinda miserable...

2.6.09 23:53


On the one hand, I got the feeling,
that you can't possibly imagine how much I miss you -even now-,
on the other hand, it feels like you miss me just the same...

Do you know how I feel since I've heard the news..?

Do you know how many tears have run down my cheek..?

Do you know how much I miss you even now..?
30.12.08 20:52

You will find people who are more beautiful than me...
You will find people who are more talented than me...
You will find people who are more intelligent than me...
You will find people who are friendlier than me...
You will find people who are more hardworking than me...
You will find people who are funnier than me...

But you will never find anybody who loves you more than I do...

Promise me, you'll never forget your little penguin...
23.12.08 12:19


I hate people who don't say goodbye.
I hate people who don't call you back when there were problems with their mobile.

I really hate it.

Warum endet das jetzt so? Wir legen die Organisation auf Eis. Ich hab das Gefühl, es wurde mehr auf Eis gelegt. Vielleicht hat meine Mutter doch Recht. Ich bin ein Mädchen, so what am I doing?
28.11.08 22:38


When will we be laughing again..?
When will we be talking again..?
When will everything be alright again..?

When will we overcome this situation..?
27.11.08 07:03


Recently I've been so sad, thinking about Christmas and that I wasn't allowed to help preparing anything.

But now I'm happy again <3

The wife of our pastor called me and we talk about the whole Christmas programm. I'm glad, she did this, because uncertainty makes me feel sick and as I got the feeling that either nobody was doing anything or there were 2 programms being prepared parallel (and that's impossible for only one Christmas evening!). You know, something like this makes me feel sick, especially when I'm not allowed to do something against it. BUT! Now I'm relieved... I know what's going on and it's really awesome.

2nd reason why I am happy again is... well... It seems like I've found someone singing with me a special song, I've been waiting for since years... I mean... I've found someone with whom I want to sing it and who even asked me first <3

Today I was shopping. Searching for Christmas cards and presents. I found 6 cards within 2,5h and nothing more.
Why is it always so difficult to find presents? T__T
20.11.08 15:11

My beloved <3

I really really love these two people... They have become a part of my heart and and my life. I can't imagine my life without them. Ok. I could, but it would be disastrous. They really get me, they understand me, I can talk to them about anything.
But... recently I'm not sure anymore... quite doubts have come on little cat feet and... I am scared... even more, I am terrified...

With one of them, I sometimes talk about the most wicked problems in our churches and in the entire world, but on the contrary... sometimes we just talk nonsense. Don't get me wrong, it really is funny, I love to talk with him no matter what we talk about. It's just... when I talk to him, I get the feeling that the rest of the world doesn't matter anymore... We have often telephoned until the sun rose and ... I don't really know how to express it, but... I'm so terrified... what if this ends somewhen?
I have never been able to keep friendships like this... After one year, there has always happened something, seperating the other person and me. Will something like this happen again..? The very idea makes me sad enough... maybe I should stop calling him so often? Or maybe I shouldn't be online in Yahoo anymore... just for a short time... I'm really at a loss... I love our endless conversations, but because of them I don't have enough time for other things anymore. But everytime we talk, it is so hard for me to say goodbye... I don't care about anything else anymore... sometimes, during our dialogs, it feels like the whole world is alright and beautiful...

Well, the other person... recently we haven't talked so much anymore... He has to work too much, he has even stopped studying for one semester. His health isn't very good, either...
With him, I could talk about anything, and I learned so much through him. The problem is... when we don't talk about serious things, sometimes our conversations get really ambiguous. And lately they aren't only ambiguous, they are clearly perverted. Actually I know him very well and I know he's only kidding, but recently... It doesn't sound like kidding anymore. I'm really questioning if our conversations are still ok... I don't know how to express it... it feels like, he says things, he shouldn't be saying.

and my main problem is... with both of them, I'm sure that they really know what they are doing and I trust them. I'm sure that they wouldn't do anything, which they think is wrong or which they shouldn't be doing...

So tell me... what can I do? If I continue like this, my school report will be a disaster and I won't be allowed to do anything apart from learning for school anymore.

I am so terrified...
17.11.08 18:32

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